Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Gibran, I think. Two sides of the same coin. What heals also cuts. What binds also disperses. The lifesaver that sweeps through the crisscrossing network in the blood stream, across miles of tiny arteriole and vein, flushing inch after inch of body tissue, cleaning healing, can, given a chance or a number amiss, turn around and corrode, destroy, leach and thin out. Buildup- destroy- buildup- destroy at the turn of a wheel, or just some fancy. Yes the cycle of life is ruled by the triumverate, Brahma- Vishnu- Mahesh, the creator- supporter- destroyer but on expects a modicum of sense in this judgement. But isn’t that is lazy thinking, applying man-made behavior rules to nature/ divine intervention/ a gamble?
After the monoclonals did their work cleaning up the faulty cells on a multiplication trip for my friend, after her body had shown all signs it was fighting fit, the medication side effects kicked in. In front of her one keeps a smiling face and talks of television stars. Even the span of the flyovers failed to thrill one on the trip back home.

added: Maybe it is another level of forbearance/patience that I am learning abt.


crab said...

I hope she feels better soon Ben .. Do pls be a lil more strong and patient ..

austere said...

crabbie- yup. new life lesson.


How does she manage with the affects? Is she smiling too? I hope so-smile and laughter do wonders to the human body. May she improve, I'll pray.
I think it's great that you guys continue to "smile" around her-no one wants to see the pity or feel like the're doing good.

AmitL said...

Ooph..that's so sad...yes,life deals it's nuances in strange ways..making one wonder about God's justice sometimes.Then,you realize,it's all a test to see how strong you are.:)

Anonymous said...

A good friend of mine was ill with cancer. When she was chemo-treated she always had the inner picture of bubble-kind things flying through her body, her veins, fighting with the baddies ... It was found early, she won.

The circle, the wheel, yes, patience is a fine thing, but the helplessness facing pain, agony and bodily destruction sometimes can not be eased with patience, despair sets in. Glad who can see it, as amitl, as a test. And if failing the test? I do not think life is an endurance-test.
Coincidences: I read from/about a philosopher who dealt with the problem of nature and man/culture seeing us human beings as un-important; the "creation", the kosmos is silent, no hope - of course a disappointed christian, whose god finally died in Golgatha - "Death in Kalkutta" ...

My hope for your friend, she may survive this chemical war within herself unharmed. My deep-felt sympathy to you, forced to watch and wait.

austere said...

crusty- the cancer's gone but her heart is bad, pumping v little. she is fighting it out, is very tired, washed out, evn speaking is an effort. with sons aged 2 and 11, tough, very tough. next time i will read aloud to her so we dont talk. yes, putting the happy face on.

amit- but she's been ill since november, surely God does not play poker? after getting over cancer?

mago- she is one of the liveliest, bubbliest persons I've ever met, full of life and cheer- how can this happen to someone like her? great brain, great hubby, wonderful kids, new home waiting for ehr...
but yes, I shall wear a happy face.

Portia said...

it is ironic. i hope your friend will be alright.

i too had the feeling in the past few days i am supposed to be learning about patience. better than not learning at all;)

Anonymous said...

Two sides of the same coin indeed.

I wish her the best of luck in her battle.

These cancers and disease, not a punishment for any wrong doing. Nicest people in the world get afflicted with them. An infliction of all humans, for attempting to conquer nature in a war we don't understand.

What does a rich man care about another man's dying, as long as his stakeholders are happy. He doesn't care and we all get punished for it. Generations living in past mistakes, DDT, Arsenic, Lead, etc,etc. It all has to go somewhere.

Again, best of luck to your friend.

austere said...

portia- and I was the one who refused to learn to knit, perhaps that would have taught me patience?

proxima- doesnt it feel like one is part of an enormous wave, carried along whether or not? true about envi abuse. but why her? karma? is that the answer?

Anonymous said...

I fear that there is no answer. The kosmos is silent.