Thursday, March 22, 2007

Somewhere between anger and helplessness and tears.
My aunt has cirrhosis , they now say.
Living forty years, on a year-worth of memories. Amidst charcoal gray portraits that adorn the empty walls.
Like the protagonist in Khamosh pani, why didn’t she fight for her life?
Did the decades of pining away cause liver disease, like some character spiraling to THE END in an Updike novel.
The botch up with the gall bladder, the elevated enzymes that the &*(# doc missed the first time around. After all the health issues she’s had, the hypothyroidism that see- sawed and the steroids she must take to manage, all patchwork .
Horrified, I look through Medline, wishing I didn’t know what all this meant.
Well. So be it.

Bhukri the momma stray with seven pups is doing very well, thank you. Strange how she ambles out of darkness at dinnertime, maybe she likes rotlis. I’m surprised at her reactions sometimes. She bit the maid, but is fine with the neighbourhood kids hitting her when they want to play with her pups. Animals are seriously smart., so I think

A closure worth a warhoop with Citibank cards. After threatening dire consequences. Brimstone and fire. Politely, of course.

21 comments:

Cherie! said...

Sorry about your aunt. Hope she manages. Good about the cards though :)

Proxima said...

Drama seems to like those of us who would rather do without. Brush of the dust and cobwebs and keep going as we must.

-P

austere said...

cherie- thanks.

proxima- no other alternative, is there?

shiv said...

An extension to my blog yesterday..we could have done something.....but..inaction, fate.no one to ask why....ur $#&* doc goes unquestioned. You know what?? Bhagwad Gita is our boon and bane.....we leave many things unprotested, uncorrected, blaming it on destiny...It helps us live..a boon, but we may have died of wrong reasons....a bane

PipeTobacco said...

Austere:

I am sorry for your additional sadness because of your loved one's illnesses. I truly understand and sympathize with and for you. You are a kind, caring, and good person. It seems so unfair, all this grief and sorrow. I wish I knew how to fix it.

PipeTobacco

Anonymous said...

Pure crap.

austere said...

Shiv- her whole LIFE has been like this.How can the end be any different? married at 25, widowed at 26 and a life alone with forbearance, dignity. But underneath this is the acceptance, fate- she could have gone away, could have begun again. From a distance one can only respect her life, but the questions remain.

PT- sir, you and Shiv doc probably see the seriousness medically. Somewhere my anger is because I see myself in her, see parts of my life there. Anyway now it is a day by day thing.

anon- agree

Jayant said...

You just write SO beautifully! There's something about your words that appeals to me. There is pain somewhere in there, I know.

I don't trust docs. There's an innate problem of complacency in almost all of them that I so hate. Hope your auntie gets better.

Oh, and give loads of love to the pups from me. I just love dogs!

Anonymous said...

I still don't know why you did that Austere. I thought we were friends

Ricercar said...

damn! everywhere around me things are collapsing!

austere said...

jayant- thanks. will get back. mood strike.

anon- leave a name, pls. were you a friend? how?

ricer- I havent.

austere said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GhostOfTomJoad said...

So sorry about your aunt's illness. I find that traditional medicine can often do what modern medicine takes a little time to decide it can't. I know this from personal experience. If your aunt is open to the idea, try Ayurveda. Would've sent you the name of the doc who we've had experience with but, unfortunately, he has passed on. I'll be glad to give you the contact details of his one-time student, who has been practising independently for over a decade now. He is in Chembur/Ghatkopar.
Let me know.

austere said...

Mr Ghost. Yes, I trust traditional medicine tremendously. But this aunt is in Ahmedabad. Maybe you could let me know the name of the doc and then I could pass it on.
Thanks a ton for the help.

abbagirl74 said...

Hello friend. I have been away for awhile, but now I am home again. Sorry to hear the sad news. Keep us posted.

austere said...

aloha, abbagirl. I am well.

GhostOfTomJoad said...

Should I post the details here? Or, do you want them mailed?

austere said...

I mailed you at your gmail account, Mr Ghost. Maybe you could mail me?

GhostOfTomJoad said...

No, the mail hasn't arrived yet...

Soleil said...

hmm. :(

austere said...

shoon?